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Wednesday, April 6. 2005Pick up lines…
I had an interesting weekend (which is why I am so behind here). I left home last Friday afternoon heading to Dallas for a weekend with some other single parents. The majority of us were from some part of Texas, but others traveled from Canada, the UK, and New York. On my second night out, I met a guy. His conversation starter/pick-up line was “So, did you know that the Pope died today?” In retrospect this was a horrible way to start a conversation, but the absurdity of his saying it made me laugh and therefore broke the proverbial ice. I asked him what in the world he was thinking starting a conversation that way and he said, “Well, I had to think of something to say and that was the first thing that came to mind.” Before the night was over with, I gave this guy my number.
This, ladies and gentlemen, is all a pick up line really is. It is simply a way to strike up a conversation. It isn’t horribly scary, just as approaching someone of the opposite sex, while it may be unsettling, shouldn’t be scary. What it should be is a ‘hi, how are you doing?’ kind of thing. I know that you all can do it! You just walk up and say something witty or if you need to justify it, something practical. You can start with some pre-pick up lines like asking what time it is, how to get to the nearest tourist attraction, do they have a lighter, have they seen your ‘friend’, etc. These aren’t going to get you very far so you had better be ready to start a conversation afterwards. But, at least if you give it a shot and since you came over for a reason, if you pick up on some not-so-interested vibes, you can use your 'in' as an 'out'. 'Oh, there's my friend. Thanks!' or 'It's eleven, I've got to go. Thanks!'.
I’ve always found that if two people with outgoing personalities are sitting in a room together, they will find something to talk about. Are you outgoing? Can you carry on a conversation? Are you sometimes humorous? Then you can hit on someone with out fear. The trick is not to take their disinterest personally because most of the time it really isn’t you. For example, Saturday night I was out and was drooling madly over a dude on the other side of the room. This guy was positively gorgeous. However, by the end of the night the fact that he had a girlfriend had arose and I was out of the game. I don’t have self esteem issues so I took that for exactly what it was – nothing. So, what am I getting at? Sorry ladies, I am with Steve here. I think that it would be interesting if for the entire month we (females) stepped up to the plate and did the asking. Why not? It’ll be fun and you can do it! Get out there, find yourself a good-looking dude and ask him out! Or at the very least, go try and pick him up. If everything is going smoothly, ask him for his number or to meet you for coffee the following day. Then, after you have done it, come back and tell us about it. Need some help, try this site… Trackbacks
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Well, I agree with everything you say here except one thing. Actually, I'm quite surprised, but go Kate!
You say that "the trick is not to take their disinterest personally because most of the time it really isn't you." The problem arises in that I haven't found this statement to be true. Of course, some of the people I approached had boyfriends and such. But when people show interest in you first and then blow you off, or don't respond to your calls or E-Mails, it's definitely you. If they really had respect for you but had an extenuating circumstance, they would apologize and decline, or just simply give some sort of reply. I think it's the least one can do.
In regards to the disinterest, Steve, I meant initially. I agree that if you strike up a conversation with a chic/guy and everything seems to be going well (from your perspective) and then it suddenly isn't, then the probably DID find something about you that they don't like and the things that they did like weren't enough to overcome it.
For instance, I have children (as you all know by now, lol) and if I am talking to a guy for a few minutes and everything seems to be going well and I slip my oh-by-the-way-I-am-a-mom bit in and everything changes, then I know that it is me. But the trick is to be ok with that. I am ok with being rejected because of my children because they matter more. So you have to try and look at the rejection as a GOOD thing because you don't want someone who doesn't want you for all of you. ~K
I agree that rejection is a good thing (in most cases) - I think you misunderstood. I'm saying that it's not in any way good when people ignore you and don't respect you enough to spend two seconds to say no.
The thing that makes it scary is doing it to a total stranger. For example consider these two situations:
Incident on the train #1: I was on a local commuter train and there was just something about the girl that sat in front of me. She had her hair tied with a rubber band, her jeans looked wet and dirty on the bottom, and she was wearning one of those skirt-on-top-of-jeans skirts (which I find extremelly attractive). She passed the ring check, and I was almost ready to talk to her, but I didn't for the following reasons a) I wasn't sure of her age. She looked like she could have been anywhere from 15 to 20. Certainly I would NOT want to try and hit on someone who might be that young. b) There was the issue of style - I had my work clothes on - khakis, shirt. I would not feel comfortable talking to her while looking like that. c) There was just nothing to say! The best thing I though of was complementing her on her skirt idea. Incident on the train #2: Trains gets stuck underground for 20 minutes. I look around and I see a very good-looking girl. She notices that I am looking at her and does that thing with her hair (you know what I'm talking about). So there we are sort of looking at each other, sort of not looking. But she is all the way on the other side of the packed car. What am I to do? Start pushing through the crowd just to say a pickup line to her? So my conclusion is, pickup lines work if the situation is right. Like a single parents convention is definatelly a good place. Just doing it randomly might not always work.
LD, in the first case, I would have told her just that. "Hi, I just wanted to tell you that I really like your shirt." This could have possibly started a conversation leading to finding out her age and her interest. And you wouldn't have been coming off to forward by complimenting her. A lot of the time we, as chics, appreciate a nice compliment.
And in the second case, you should def. have went over. Especially if she was 'doing that thing with her hair', lol. If she was checking you out and you were checking her out and we are stuck in that Tradition Rut that Steve mentioned then she may have been waiting for you to come over and say hello. Since she was looking at you and flirting  ~Kate
Of course it doesn't always work.
Depending on situation, I can start a conversation with between 5% (random people walking in the street) and 80% (people standing still in a club setting). However, if I *don't* talk to people, the rate will drop to 0.1% (or less - how often do women stop you and talk to you?) and 2% (how often does girls start a conversation with you in a club?) You're looking for reasons NOT to talk to those girls. Instead, look for reasons to talk to them. Learn to be social. As Kate says: You should just be trying to start a conversation. If the way you start the conversation gives a good impression of you and set a cool tone, so much the better - but the important part is still starting the conversation. If the girl you talk to turn out to be 15 - so? There is no law against having a conversation with a 15 year old. A 15 year old may be boring to talk to, sure, but so may a 25 year old. -Eek (They'll All Fall)
I seem to usually agree with your advice, yet when it comes to actually walking the walk I always end up not following through with it. In fact, I have turned into some sort of an "armchair dater" over the past few months.
I guess I will just have to try harder. -LD
Try smarter
I've posted approach exercises to They'll All Fall before. If these aren't easy enough, I know even easier exercises. Just ask. I've coached a lot of people before. The only thing I've been unable to do anything about is people that insist on trying to do too hard exercises and then not being able to do them, instead of doing the easier exercises I give them as buildups. -Eek (They'll All Fall)
I am awful at walking up to ladies. It's been almost 10 years since I was single and out on the hunt, but the lines that I've always falled back on are simple:
Me: Hi, how are you? Her: Hi, fine. Me: I saw you from accross the bar and would have been kicking myself all week if I didnt' at least come over and say hello. I am a financial consultant and make A TON of cold calls every single day. I've learned through study and practice that the simplest things work best. Me: Hello, Mr.Johnson, how are you MJ: fine... what's this in regards to Me: I'm calling from [my job] and I'll be brief. I don't sell anything over the phone. I just want to send you my card and a copy of [publication] that I think you might find interesting. done. Whenever I've tried to get creative I've been hung up on. NO gimmics or bullcrap will ever get anyone's attention. Same goes for the ladies. I'm sure a real person coming up and using real words that real people use is much more fun than someone coming up with some whacky story or punch line. This isn't really the important part of this puzzle though. Saying hi is easy, what do you say after you get the names down and are standing facing each other in a noisy ass bar? I'm lucky because I have a pretty good 30sec. life story. I always drop a few key facts: I have a great job, I played pro football, I'm a classically trained singer and saxaphone player. Normally it all is just crap because she's not listening for the content as much as she's listening for how I say what I have to say and if she thinks I'm what she's looking for as a person, not a resume. The only reason I even drop the pro football stuff is because it normally leads to conversation, otherwize I wouldn't say a word because I can't stand to watch or talk about football anymore. Oh well, ladies, here's some advice for you. Lady: Hi. Dude: Hi. Lady: [insert whatever the hell you want to say here] Dude: That's awesome Just go up to a guy and say hello. It's all we're really looking for.
When you say "pro football," to what are you referring? Did you play on a big college team, or is this a league around your area?
see, my pickup worked on you, steve! hahahahaa
I played 1AA college football at Fairfield University in CT. I was one of the most highly recruited high school players in NJ until a serious hip/knee/anke injury made me worthless to them. So I played 4 years at FU, then had a contract with the Detroit Lions that fell through, coached at Millersville University in PA for a year, and then got a call from an arena league scout that wanted me to go out for the Staten Island Xtreme of the NIFL. It's small market arena football, but I had an agent, got paid, signed autographs and the whole 9. I was offensive lineman of the year and was nominated for the pro bowl. This year I decided I was going to sit out and get my career on track so I could settle down with my girl... who then let me know she stopped loving me about the time I started playing pro football a year and a half ago and kicked my punk 325lb center playing ass to the curb. It's been a rough subject, but if it will keep a girlie interested enough in me to talk and see that I'm not the hardass I look like, then it's all good.
I'll agree: Crazy whacky punch lines generally do not work.
There are a few tricks that work, though: - Opinion openers. Ask for her opinion on something. For instance, "Do you think I should get a piercing here ?" This is the favourite opener of one of my friends. - Adding a time constraint. "Hi, I should get back to my friends in a moment, but ..." This makes your approach less intrusive. - Commenting on something in the situation. This can be her body language , the fact that she's ended up sitting alone, some guy that looks weird, the fact that people stand besides each other at public transport *and don't talk to each other*, and how this is peculiar for heavily urbanized areas, etc, etc, etc. Used right, each of these increase the chance of getting a "successful" open - one where you end up with a positive interaction afterwards. If you open (start conversation with) a fairly limited number of women per night and have the body language to support it, the direct opener you listed first work really well. -Eek (They'll All Fall)
How about just looking at someone and saying "Hi!" and seeing what happens after that?
Nothing or everything, depending on your personality and goals.
Some guys can improvise so well that this works great for them. Some girls are extrovert, and will fill in the conversation for you from just a "Hi!". The tips I posted were to increase the chance of a positive conversation happening compared to this baseline. -Eek (They'll All Fall)
oh, and if you have to use a gimmick pickup line, this one seems appropriate:
I'd eat your crap just to see where it came from. someone I know used that at a bar. He got a chuckle and a scared look from her, and a roar of laughter from us. It rocked.
In an interesting twist, last time I was in a club I was looking for the exit and came up to a bunch of girls to ask them where the exit is. Instead, much to my surprise they tried to start up some sort of a conversation with me, even though I just trying to find the exit! Really. I didn't mean it as a pick up line.
They were attractive girls too, but my friend was waiting for me outside so I couldn't really talk to them. It's funny how these things always happen when you're not trying, but never do if you are. -LD
That is the trick LD. You walk up and ask a simple question and if they are interested then the conversation will continue.
~K |
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It’s funny, I have been thinking about writing this entry for a few days now and jotting things down here and there that I wanted to include and now 
