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Wednesday, January 26. 2005"I was checking to see if the fireplace went out!" For some reason today, I remembered a hilarious experience I had in the middle of November last semester. I was eating dinner at the Mio Zio on College Avenue. I believe it was a Monday, and I was headed to an extracirricular activity after I finished eating. I ordered my usual, spaghetti with meat sauce, grabbed my salad, and had a seat.When my spaghetti was ready, as I was standing up I noticed a woman (note how I don't refer to her as a "girl," which should be reserved for those under eighteen) sitting at a table near the window also eating pasta. She and I made eye contact for a brief moment, but as I make eye contact with at least twenty or so women every day, I didn't think that was out of the ordinary. I noticed she was looking again when I had a seat with my dinner.
I started to pay attention to see what she would do next while reading a depressing story about Bush's win in The New York Times. Even though she was sitting facing the window, she still turned around and looked at me at least ten more times during my first plate of spaghetti, and at least twenty additional times during my second plate. She also continually fluffed her hair and smiled. When I was just about finished, she moved around to the other side of the table (so that she was now almost facing me), and placed a call on her cell phone. I decided to call her bluff, so after busing my plates I sat down and also made a call. Unlike her, however, I actually had something to say; I was discussing my future living arrangements with my father. She contined to look over and do all the other things. I had a lot to tell my dad, so she finished her call first and pulled out a paper to do what looked like studying. It was obvious, though, that she wasn't really studying, because she only looked at one paper for the next half hour. Before I was ready to leave, I decided to go talk to her. The first time I approached, she had placed another "call" and I quickly turned away to "go to the bathroom." The second time she got the point and wasn't talking on the phone. I greeted her and she did as well. I asked her what she was studying as well as some other information and she didn't seem to have much to say. Finally, wondering what was going on, I mentioned that I had noticed her looking in my direction a few times (more like fifty, but I didn't say that). I'll never forget her reply: "I was just checking to see if the fireplace was still on!" Finally, I asked her if I could "continue the conversation over the phone at a later time." She said "I'm sure I'll see you around campus" so I walked away and left the restaurant. I'm not sure what you think, but this was one of the most ridiculous exchanges I've experienced in my entire life. Why would a woman continually look at a man so many times? It's not as if there was anyone else in the restaurant at the time, and there wasn't a fire in the galley behind me (but there was one in the fireplace, as one would hope she realized on the thirty-fourth glance!). She did nothing but waste a lot of both of our time if she was just going to act like nothing had happened anyway. Obviously, I misinterpreted what she was trying to imply. However, even if I were the most unattractive person in the world, she could still carry on a conversation. I would find it funny if someone bumped into a chair when they saw me on a cell phone, and I would try to make her comfortable for at least a short time if she were nervous (which I was, but anyone who says that they wouldn't be in such a situation is a fool). Perhaps she had read that idiotic book "The Rules," and was acting like I had to kiss up for her attention. Regardless, she got what she deserved and I was glad I didn't have to see her again. Just another (hilarious) example of the ridiculous games that are going on all around you.... Trackbacks
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All I can say dude is: OMG! you totally don't get it. But since i'm a nice guy and all I'll tell you exactly what happened to you from start to finish, what you did wrong, and what you should have done.
First off she wasn't looking at some stupid fireplace or anything retarded like that. She was looking at you, ok? She was looking at you and she wanted you to approach her. But...you waited like 30 min and kept looking at her so she probably thought you were a creep, or just that you didn't have the courage to approach her right away. By looking at her 50 million times you made her feel super uncomfortable instead of approaching her right away and getting it over with. Let me give you an example of something my good friend did last week who was in a similar position. My friend john(we'll call him that for now) was eating at a local cafeteria and saw a girl that he liked eating across from him a couple tables away eating by herself. After he made eye contact with her once or twice he realized that she was into him also, so what did he do? Did he find a local newspaper and read to his heart's content so that the girl would magically drift over to him? No. Did he wander off to the bathroom hoping that she would notice him more? No. What he did was walk right up to her, was friendly, warm and said: "Hey you look like you could use some company. Mind if I join you?" And that was it. No waiting 30 min going over every last possible outcome. Over and done with in less than 2 min time. And to further things they are now dating and are very happy seeing each other. This has nothing to do with mind games or anything stupid like that. You just made her uncomfortable, that's all. And how can you expect someone to want to get to know you if they feel uncomfortable? I mean seriously how would you feel if you were a girl and someguy kept on looking at you for like 30 min? Honestly dude you need to stop thinking of women in such a negative way. Sure some play games, but from my experience most don't, it's just that you do something to make them feel uncofortable, so they try to find a way to get away without hurting your feelings. I bet she was on the phone with a friend saying "OMG! This guy keeps looking at me, what should I do?"
Hey, thanks for visiting - it's always great to see new people around here. I think that you and I are operating under different assumptions, and I'll get to that at the end.
Here, I wasn't looking to get to know the girl near the window. I entered the restaurant hoping to have a nice meal and leave. I was responding to her attention, not initiating the attention. If she wanted something to happen, she should have stood up and walked over to MY table, not the other way around. You're placing the blame on me for not having the "courage" to approach her when she was the one who wasn't brave enough to approach me! I could argue that I did far more than most people would - when she didn't do anything for all that time, I even went up to her and started the conversation to make things easy for her. She still didn't take advantage. I understand your point of view - the seduction community in particular believes that men have to always take the initiative. Instead, I believe that the interested party should take the initiative, and if it's the woman, then she should make the approach. Believe it or not, I don't find it attractive when the woman expresses the interest initially (like in this case) but expects the man to do all the hard work for her. "Hard to get" is not interesting to me. This occurred during 2004, not 1504, and she was a grown woman, more than capable of starting a conversation.
Steve, I've said it before and I hope I won't have to say it again: Stop saying anything about what other people believe.
Especially, stop talking about what the seduction community or I believe. You've managed to completely misrepresent me and us about 80% of the time, including now.
Dude all I can say is do you ever go out clubbing? Go to bars? If you went to any of those places often you would know how you have no idea what you are talking about.
Hey try this!: Go out to a club/bar, sometime make sure it's one with a lot of attractive girls in it. Sit there and do nothing and see how many women flock to you trying to start conversations. Yeah, sure it does happen "sometimes", but no offense dude but from looking at your picture on the site you don't exactly have the right appearence to have that happen (ex: cloths, accesories, etc). It's good that you went up to talk to her, i'll give you credit for that, but you still arn't adresing the fact that you made her feel uncomfortable by waiting so long. I don't know about te seduction community and all that jazz, but I hang around a lot of attractive girls that blow off guys left and right, and it's not because they are playing games, it's because the guys make them feel uncomfortable. Also if you wern't interested in her why would you: -bring up the fact she was looking at you(which probably made her feel uncomfortable) -ask for her number honestly man I was just trying to help you out some. But seriously you should go out to bars and clubs so you can understand what i'm talking about.
I'll be the first to agree with you that, if I showed up at a club or bar and just sat around hoping for stuff to happen, nothing would.
I didn't really ask for her number - I asked her if we could "continue the conversation at a later time," which was an opening to see if she was interested enough to offer hers. I know I'm alone in saying it, but why does nobody seem to question the fact that the guys do the approaches? That's the case even when the girl is the one who's interested in the first place. My point in this piece, wakeup, was that regardless of what I did wrong, she would never have approached me if I hadn't taken the initiative. She was obviously interested, but society dictates that men are the only ones who start the relationships. I think that men should start expecting women to live up to their half of the bargain. Over the past 30 years, women have made great gains in the business world, but dating has lagged far behind. With equal rights comes equal responsibility.
lol, yeah ok dude. Society dictates that men should approach? Well maybe in your world, but not in my world. I have girls approach me all the time. Not only that I have friends that get approached all the time by girls even more than me. Maybe you should ask yourself, why you don't have girls approaching you?
Also by the way some girls are shy, or a little cold at first so you have to approach them. It's nothing about society, it's just them. Try to have a little compassion instead of being so hard on them.
Heh, heh, heh... Steve, if she were following The Rules she wouldn't be sitting around, making googly-eyes at men. The authors specifically discourage that. If the man really wants to approach you, he will. If you follow The Rules you don't sit around, trying to bait guys into talking to you by staring at them. You do your own thing and have your own life.
While The Rules isn't my personal bible, I think some of the points made in there are good sense. Like making sure your life is about more than finding a relationship. I think that not only makes you a more attractive person, but makes you a happier and more fulfilled person. Wakeup - thank GOD someone else collaborates my assertion that women hit on guys!
Many women hit on guy, it's just that they hit on the same guys. And those are the guys that approach women.
It's to do with self confidence and body language. Those of us that approach women end up relaxed in the situation, and more women approach us. I definately agree with full-lifing. If you want a girl or boyfriend, fill your life with interesting things, interesting experiences. Of course, it's a good thing to *also* do things that specifically are intended to make you better at interacting with the preferred sex. It's just not enough, unless your only goal is getting genital contact with another person. If so, I recommend professionals: I hear they're skilled, many of them make sure to develop good personalities, and you avoid all the complications. I personally see other things as more important than the genital contact, so I fill my life instead  -Eek
Hey Steve Wadup,
It's clear to all people reading this blog (Especially women) that you don't "GET IT". You are clearly stuck on your own beliefs and your own ideas about human interactions that you skew all the information that have been thrown to your face to validate and justify your own (apparently dateless) life. This is not a game, this is BASIC social interaction, this is the human mating dance… and if you don’t know what’s going on you will continue to post blogs on how women are conditioned by society to “Play Games†with you. OH THE CONSPIRACY! To Life & Love - Jung
The girl was obviously attracted to you.
You did the right thing by going over. Yes, you hesitated, but I don't think this killed her attraction to you, I think she was still attracted to you. Now lets think what would have happened if she had approached you. You would likely have immediatly believed that she was totally into you, if however when she got talking to you she found out you were a bit of a chode (unnattractive) how would she exit? Some guys might become hung up on a girl like that. Women have massive fear of looking like a slut or looking easy. Sluts are not relationship material. Now after you started talking to her I expect her attraction to you waned a little because you probably weren't that smooth. As for your point about being nervous. I show very little sign of nerves when talking to a girl because I've done it hundreds and hundreds of times. However I bet if you'd asked her for her number directly and confidently you would have go it. Except you fucked up. You called her on her approach invitation. You weren't confident that she actually liked you because she wasn't giving you the best responses. So you wanted to check to point out to her that she'd invited you over. But by pointing this out to her you made her uncomfortable as you could perceive her as easy. If she'd admitted that she'd wanted you to come over this would (in her mind) be tantamount to her admitting that she wanted to have sex with you and thus making her a slut. I hope this makes sense to you. My basic argument is. Girls don't want to look easy as it lowers their value.
I know this is an old post but Christ you guys are getting on this Steve guy so much it's pissing me off, heh.
Why are you blaming him for not making the approach? He stated clearly he was there to have a meal, not approach women. The whole site is called "Games are for Children". It wasn't a seduction or pick-up, nothing to blame on no body. He tried to find out what the hell she was up to and things ended awkwardly, so what? If she was interested, we'll never know her intentions for sure. No one won, no one lost. It's hilarious to see reality tunnels clash like this.
She was playing the come and talk to me game. You took way to long to play it... game over after 2 minutes.
Its not her fault its the way she has been taught to attract a man, flutter her eyes at him till he approaches. (for all this modern feminist world we are trapped in prehistoric mating rituals) if you haven't already you should check out love-shy.com in particular the Dr Gilmartins Shyness and love book (its life changing and free) For deep biological, tribal and social reasons men are supposed to approach women. Hardwired into every man is approach anxiety, most men get over it and dont even think about it. In caveman times the wrong approach could = death (tribal leader not happy with you hitting on his missus) or no sex ever (tribe rejection through gossip). You had various options... a) stare at her like a loser psycho with no confidence till she gets scared (this is the one i do to much) b) go up to her within 2 minutes of her playing the stupid game and say something "mind if i sit here" c) play the bad boy and make a rude gesture followed by "PLEASE STOP STARING AT ME" followed by embarassing her or by chatting her up. d) remain seated smile at her then beckon her over to sit with you (this is my prefered option as it gives you the power to reject her or not) e) just ignore her completely, this a cruel anti game. f) smile gently and be nice to her but stay seated and dont approach (i actually made a girl cry doing this) cos i was so wrapped up with not approaching women. |
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