I’ve done something that I didn’t think I would or could ever do. I was head over heels over the girl I was dating. She was cute, had great legs, educated and employed – I thought I had finally found someone to finally take up space in my heart.
What was hard was the fact that I really liked her. I found myself falling in love with her. Just looking at her put a smile on my face. I saw her sitting across from me and it pained me to no end to see it all end because I was unable to accept or come to terms with part of her personality.
It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, but I was also surprised at how decisively I’ve followed through. It began with me holding nothing back, telling her exactly how I felt. And it ended the same way. I told her exactly how I felt, that though I liked her a lot and was falling in love with her, there are aspects of her personality that I didn’t think I could accept; and that I’m realizing each day that if we drag this on, someone’s going to get really hurt in the future.
I ended it. It was painful. And at this moment, I’m overcome with sadness. I’d have to completely agree with what Karen spoke about in her article “Does it get harder to meet someone as you get older?” It just wasn’t enough that I was attracted to her, that I was falling in love with her. Love doesn’t conquer all.
For one, I would like to accept her for who she is, so I didn’t want to tell her to change. When I explained to her the part of the personality that I had issues with, she totally agreed with me and apologized for causing me so much pain. She knows she has a problem, but it was abundantly clear that it would take immense amount of effort and compromise on both parties to make this work.
Why can’t love conquer all? Why can’t I let myself just dive in without fear of getting hurt? They’re rhetorical questions. But I’ve done something that I didn’t think I was capable of doing in the past. I had to let go of someone who I really cared for and liked. It’s sad. But the hunt begins again.
