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Sunday, April 30. 2006The Dating Resume At a speed dating event I was at, one guy I was chatting with told an anecdote about another speed dating event he attended, where at the very beginning one guy handed all the women a “dating resume” for himself. It gave his “vital stats” as well as what he was looking for in a partner. “Interesting,” I commented. Cut straight to the chase. My kind of guy. I asked if this tactic went over well with the women; my conversation partner said no, not at all. Well, why not?
I mean, in all practicality, it makes sense to lay it all out on the table. Besides the obvious physical features (some people won’t date someone who is short or fat or has small breasts, etc.), people have lots of imbedded requirements regarding who they would like to meet. Employed? Post-secondary education? Earnings above $X thousands a year? Family history of heart disease? Existing children? Ex-spouse somewhere in the background? Debt? All factual specifications that can be easily identified on the first meeting, if one so chose. A resume could identify right away who does and doesn’t fit your bill. But I can see why this direct approach wouldn’t appeal to most. Regardless of how businesslike and practical some human relationships can be (politely described as “symbiosis”), we like our introductions and relationships couched in social niceties and finery. It takes some of the romance away, to know that your pairing started off like an arranged marriage, each side sizing up the other like a slab of beef. I have another practical reason why a dating resume (and the efficient elimination of potential mates right off the bat) isn’t such a good idea. What people say they want isn’t necessarily what they want or would be happy with. I always thought I’d want a husband who was a working professional, until I dated a guy who wanted to be and would have been a wonderful house husband and stay-at-home father. That made me question my earlier “requirement” and see that I could potentially be happy with something other than what I originally thought wanted. It’s ended up working that way for a lot of things I thought were requirements for me. Part of teasing out facts and getting to know someone slowly is the discovery process regarding yourself; how does the particular person that I am fit with the particular person this other human is? In light of the set package this other person is, are all the things I considered “must haves” really important? And, of course, there is the intangible spark that occurs between lovers… Something that no resume could predict or capture.
The dating resume: good idea or bad? What do you readers think? Trackbacks
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I think this is a great idea, and I would do it if I could. The only problem is that Ross Jeffries, David DeAngelo, Tyler Durden, the visitors of fastseduction.com, the creators of movies like Hitch, television producers, online dating website CEOs, and a number of other influential people disagree with me. This enormous media influence causes 95% of the women in the world to follow their viewpoints.
Every one of the above groups has a vested interest in encouraging people to "surrender to evolution" or to live out fairytale romance novels. Jeffries, DeAngelo, and Durden stand to make lots of money for every woman who believes that guys should "seduce them." Visitors to the seduction websites stand to gain no-strings sex. The movie and TV producers want people to imitate and talk about their movies and shows so they'll get others to watch them. And if all the information was publicly available, then dating websites wouldn't stand to profit much because people would pay for one month and then leave after finding their soulmates. I think the reason why Karen, Adam, and I write for this site is because we really would like something like a "dating résume" to work. Adam clearly wishes he could just lay it all out on the table in regards to his recent love triangle, and come to an agreement between all parties. No more guessing which person to date - now he could date the one who's interested, or simply make a choice without fear of missing the other person's feelings. Karen would love it if the people she meets while speed dating would tell her the truth about whether they're interested in her. It would certainly save a lot of bad first dates and "forgotten" phone numbers. With something as life-changing as romantic relationships, one would hope that all the facts could be known and an informed decision made. I really wish that everyone in whom I was interested handed out résumes. |
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