Entries by Heather

Being in Texas, the king of Southern states, I was brought up with respecting my elders ingrained into my very being. You always treat your elders with the highest level of manners that you possess.

“Yes Ma’am”

“No Sir”

“Please”

“Thank you”

“May I”

I think that in everyone’s dating life they will at some point in time have a friends with benefits (FWB) situation.  Otherwise known as having sex with someone you are friends with but have no interest in dating or being in a relationship with.  I have had them and I know many people who have had them.  Recently, while perusing some comments posted on a single parents dating board, I ran across a woman asking whether or not she should enter into a FWB relationship with her male friend.

When it comes to relationships, I may as well be the poster child for what not to do.  I have had my fair share of screwed up relationships and if it could go wrong I have experienced it.

So why is it that I am painfully afflicted with the ability to help others when it comes to their relationships?  I can see, without a doubt, what is wrong.  I can offer advice that is often received so gratefully.  Yet, here I sit, alone.

I see so many people in unhappy relationships and I just want to tell them to run away, that it doesn’t have to be that way, that they don’t have to be miserable because there is happiness out there.  But then, upon some reflection, how in the hell do I know?  I’m trying to sell everyone the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow and I haven't ever even seen it let alone had it.

I was talking to a friend of mine the other day and she said something interesting that I had never heard before.  When griping about our respective datelessness, she said that it was ok because Spring was here and Summer was coming.  I asked her what the heck the seasons had to do with anything and she responded with a theory I hadn’t heard before.

My friend explained to me that she believes there is a time frame with in a year in which you can acquire a mate.  Ideally during Spring or Summer, early Fall – at the latest.  Her idea is that you start looking for someone in Spring.  You should try and find someone by Summer and then you hold onto them through out Fall and Winter.  Very primal idea, in my mind, that we are so much like animals.  Looking for love in the Spring and nestling down with it during the cold Winter months.  Sort of resembles the ‘twitterpation’ expressed in Bambi

I have been reading a lot lately about what chics want and what they don’t want. Reading about who they are attracted to and who they aren’t attracted to. The why’s and what if’s and the definite ways to tell if He’s Just Not That Into You. What have I realized after all of this? What have I learned? Let me tell you.

I believe the same thing now that I did months before, only now I have explored many angles and heard many points of view as well as more technical terms.

Hi everyone. So Steve, LD, and I all got together for coffee and were discussing furthering the future of games are for children. I suggested things like ‘hot guy without his shirt day’, but it seems Cosmo (curse them) has already stolen that idea. After tossing around some other ideas, we came to the conclusion that we would like to invite you, the readers and commenters, to submit articles. We know you guys have brilliant ideas because we read your comments and are continuously impressed by your wit and originality. So, Steve, is going to put a link over to the right and then we will anxiously await your entries. (continue reading for more info...)

Continue reading "Guest Writers"

I know, you are all just totally freaking out right? You go and grab a drink and a bite to eat and when you come back, Kate has been replaced by Heather! It’s ok, you don't have amnesia. There is no conspiracy, no aliens, no druggings, no evil twins of any kind. Most of you knew already that Kate wasn’t my real name. Had a talk with Steve last week and for many reasons decided to start using my real name on this site. So, hi everyone. My name is Heather. It’s nice to meet you

So, I have been thinking a lot lately about how rejection is different in chics than it is with guys. I owe this thought process to Karen as she first mentioned it in this entry. Previous to her comment I had never really thought about the intricacies of rejection. Do you [men] think that your rejection matches ours? Do you feel rejected if not approached or do you just assume that it is because we don’t feel comfortable doing the approaching in the first place?

The fact is that we [women] do feel rejected when we aren’t asked out. If we go out to a club or a social function and don’t get asked out or asked to dance or have a drink bought for us, then we go home wondering why. If we have a conversation with someone we find to be attractive and he doesn’t ask for our number when it’s time to split, we feel rejected. We also wonder why it is that we are only attracting those older guys or unattractive guys. [Guys] Does being approached by a female that you are not trying to attract (someone you consider to be unattractive or unappealing) dent your self esteem the way it dents ours? We wonder why the cute dude sitting at the table next to ours never came over and said hello.

Continue reading "Rejection: Him vs. Her"

A girl friend of mine sent me the book He’s Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo. If you read my blog then you know that I was recently seeing someone that I was having a hard time letting go of, hence the receiving of the book. I opened it to the first page and started reading as would any other book; with an open mind. The book starts with acknowledgments, I skipped those. Then the table of contents, skipped that. Then the introductions, first Liz’s: She talks about how she works for Sex and the City, about how one of her co-workers needed relationship advice and Greg (he’s next) seemed to have all the answers. Then, Greg’s intro: He talks about the co-worker’s situation as well and then goes on to tell you, the reader, that he is a guy. He knows guys and he knows when a guy isn’t into you and it is pretty much always.

So, now I am curious. I flip back to the table of contents and check out what will be in store for me in the coming pages. Let me tell you all the ways, the books says, you can tell if He’s Just Not That Into You. First (and this made me chuckle given all of the past entries about this), He’s Just Not That Into You if he isn’t asking you out. (Don’t worry, I’ll come back to this.) He is also just not that into you if he doesn’t call you, isn’t actually dating you, isn’t having sex with you, is having sex with someone else, only sees you when he is drunk, doesn’t want to marry you, is breaking up with you, disappears on you, if he’s married or otherwise unavailable, or if he is a selfish jerk, bully, or a really big freak. Yeah, I know, I can practically hear you rolling your eyes, but keep reading…

The Pity Date. I feel like that should be followed with a –DUN DUN DUUUUUN- Most people have done it, went out with someone they didn’t really want to. Maybe it was because they felt sorry for them, maybe it was a set up, maybe they were really persistent. What ever the reason, it happens every day. Well, maybe just Monday through Wednesday.

I am wondering why it is that they feel obligated to accept. Is it guilt? Genuine pity? Desperation? How far do you let pity-dating go? One date? Two? Do you let him [her] kiss you goodnight? While I am sure that the accepter feels as if they are doing something gracious, I doubt the inviter would feel good about knowing they are on a Pity Date.