Games are for Children - Attraction

Social Proof

nospam@example.com (Steve) — Wed, 28 Jun 2006 16:02:00 -0700

The seduction community frequently simplifies the concepts taught by many of its members into one- or two-word slang terms. There's a lot of this slang floating around in books and Internet forums; the Fast Seduction site lists a dictionary of hundreds of such terms. Since most of the discussion on the forums frequently refers to the same concepts, it's helpful to have a sort of dictionary to reduce the number of words in posts.

However, there's a funny thing about slang: it becomes so commonplace that it loses its meaning and, for lack of a better word, intensity. For example, the word "kino" is thrown around the forums as if it's just another step in a process. But when you look at how people are acutally using the term, we find that "kino" can mean anything from holding hands to foreplay. Certainly, the term fails to accurately convey the emotion behind the latter. One could argue that it fails to convey even the former.

So it is with another term, "social proof." Social proof is basically a synonym for being "popular;" if a lot of other people like me, you will probably like me too. It's a concept that I believe is a poor judge of character, because there are a lot of jerks who make more and more friends simply because they already have a lot of friends. Regardless of my opinion, however, the concept does exist, and I encountered a powerful demonstration on Friday, June 16.

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The Dating Resume

nospam@example.com (Karen) — Sun, 30 Apr 2006 21:39:00 -0700

At a speed dating event I was at, one guy I was chatting with told an anecdote about another speed dating event he attended, where at the very beginning one guy handed all the women a “dating resume” for himself. It gave his “vital stats” as well as what he was looking for in a partner. “Interesting,” I commented. Cut straight to the chase. My kind of guy. I asked if this tactic went over well with the women; my conversation partner said no, not at all. Well, why not?

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Relax... Dating is not personal

nospam@example.com (Karen) — Sun, 09 Apr 2006 21:22:32 -0700

More than once I've described job recruiting as the "Black Box Process"; you input something into the box, shake it, and an inexplicable result falls out. You don't really know the process or reasoning behind that output, it just is. Oftentimes you have incomplete information, so you act as you see fit... There are some basic rules of behaviour that need to be observed, but so many factors are completely arbitrary. You win some, you lose some, but in the end, it's not personal. You know what? I've decided the same goes for dating.

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"You can lead a man by the penis but it's the wrong way to tame him."

nospam@example.com (Karen) — Mon, 03 Apr 2006 01:29:00 -0700

Or is it? (Ally McBeal fans may recognize this quote!)

Two weeks ago I attended The Silent Party. A week ago I did a second round of speed dating. Both times I made a point to dress more revealingly (short skirt and heels on both occasions, tank top with cleavage as well at speed dating.) Both times I added provocative elements to the conversations I started with men. I struck out at speed dating in February, where I was wholesome in dress and demeanor. Would showing some skin and sexual teasing get me better results? I was curious to find out!
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Love as a mental illness

nospam@example.com (Steve) — Tue, 14 Feb 2006 20:00:00 -0800

Earlier today, one of CNN's anchors posted an interesting article on one of the network's blogs. The article in question refers to a study conducted earlier in the decade by one British scientist Dr. Tallis, and now confirmed by a researcher named Lucy Brown. The old research was performed by interviewing people who had fallen in love, while the newer study was conducted by scanning the brains of people who were in love while they looked at pictures of the objects of their affections.

Many people label the results as shocking. In fact, when I searched for blogs that mentioned these studies, almost everyone discounted the study as "psychiatry run amok" or "science intruding upon our everyday lives." I have seen few topics on the Internet where so many people are in agreement. Yet, I still disagree with them all.

See, the studies show that romantic love is almost identical in physical symptoms and in brain response to obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD).

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Stop basing your life on what women think of you

nospam@example.com (Steve) — Sat, 28 Jan 2006 11:08:00 -0800

Here's a warning: this is one of those blog-defining posts. 13 months ago, I posted that I had major problems with the state of dating today. I was even able to describe some of them to you: the expectation of society that men do all the work, and women who took advantage of that fact regardless of the cost. I pointed out some likely culprits: the seduction community, David DeAngelo, and the women's rights movement. Until now, however, I wasn't able to make a concrete suggestion as to why things are the way they are. I was not and still am not convinced that vague, uncontrollable forces such as "evolution" and "nature" are entirely at fault for this state of affairs.

That was until yesterday, when I finally pieced together at least some part of why my opinions are received so negatively by many people. I owe the revelation to watching an interview with the author of Self-Made Man: One Woman's Journey into Manhood and Back, which I saw on CNN and later decided to buy the book. The premise of this book is different, to say the least: it details the journey of a woman who decided to pose as a man for 18 months.

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Looking for love at the gym

nospam@example.com (Steve) — Mon, 23 Jan 2006 06:46:20 -0800

Driving to work this morning I listened to an interesting conversation on the radio regarding whether buying a gym membership is a step towards meeting a significant other. One DJ argued that people who go to the gym are, for obvious reasons, more fit and attractive than those who don't go to the gym. Likewise, he said, those who work out are more likely to have the mental attributes that are attractive in partners - namely, a drive to succeed that shows by sticking to a fitness program.

The other DJ's point of view was that if she wanted to go to the gym, she was there to work out, not for any other reason. She wanted to show up, run her two miles, and leave. The gym was for working out, and the club (or elsewhere) was for meeting people. She disagreed that people were most attractive at the gym because they were, frankly, generally dirty and sweaty as would be expected at such a place.

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Lack of libido more common in women?

nospam@example.com (Steve) — Wed, 14 Dec 2005 16:50:00 -0800

Earlier today, I came across an article discussing the medical "problem" of lack of libido. I mentioned before that I suffered from this issue, but didn't label it a "problem" because it didn't (and still does not) bother me enough to seek attention for it.

What's interesting is that this article claims that for every one of me, there are fifteen men who have erectile dysfunction (ED), and, perhaps more shockingly, there are many more women who are not all that interested in sex or even any related "lesser activities."

The article doesn't cite many sources for this information, but I thought it was worth bringing up: is a lack of libido more common in women than in men, or is this just a stereotype? Certainly, the movies and television depict women many times being turned off by advances of men, and the man always wanting to have sex when the woman isn't interested. Is there any basis in fact?

This doctor seems to think so.

"Unrequited" love

nospam@example.com (Steve) — Wed, 23 Nov 2005 09:06:46 -0800

After returning to Philly for the holidays yesterday, I went to Penn State's Abington campus to settle some final business with a job I had held there for more than three years. When I was about to leave, I went to bathroom, and noticed a large poster hung above one of the urinals. Since the event had passed and the date stamp was expired, I removed the advertisement from the wall to remind me to write about something.

Click here to view the poster

The event featured a speaker about "unrequited love" and the "ethics of romance." Am I missing something here? If love is "unrequited," go find someone else. I don't see the need for "ethical" romancing of people who aren't returning the interest.

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Forcing 40% to put on a show

nospam@example.com (Steve) — Tue, 16 Aug 2005 07:20:00 -0700

While Eek's thoughts on the correlation between beauty and intelligence are worth investigating, I searched for those studies and found something yet more interesting. The findings in question are the Computer Dance Experiment conducted at a midwestern university.

In this study, students were randomly assigned partners for a one-night dance put on by the researchers. At the end of the dance, the students were asked questions about their partners. It isn't the primary finding that's most interesting, because that finding only confirms what was already known. It's the secondary observations that deserve attention.

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Picture-perfect memory

nospam@example.com (Steve) — Wed, 10 Aug 2005 08:40:00 -0700

When I travel to Philly, or when I return from there back to my home in State College, there are two possible routes to take. One leads east and then south: I-99 - I-80 - I-476. The other leads south and then east: US 322 - I-76. The first is about twenty miles longer than the second, but most of the time turns out faster because route 322 is under the biggest construction project in Pennsylvania's history, to improve a ten-mile bottleneck that was once one of the most dangerous roads in the country into a high-speed four-lane highway.

On Thursday, when I traveled to Philly, the northern route was unattractive because, for once, the construction there would lead to even longer delays than the construction along the southern route. There's another advantage to taking the southern route: along US route 322, about 20 miles northwest of Harrisburg, is a small town called Newport. Located just off the highway there is a chinese restaurant there called the "New Garden" that looks like it serves your average oriental cuisine. It was discovered in 2001 after the Student Government Association's president fell ill and needed to buy medication at the Giant in the same shopping center. For two years, everyone in the organization would stop at this restaurant because its food was simply the best Chinese food everyone we've talked to has ever tasted. Now, years later, I'm probably the only member or prior member of the organization who goes there regularly.

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The "blinders effect"

nospam@example.com (Steve) — Sat, 25 Jun 2005 13:25:00 -0700

I've heard it said that when somebody's really in love, everyone else seems just plain unattractive in comparison to the object of his or her affection. Most of the time, though, the people pushing this view are the screenwriters and authors who want to add a bit of drama to their creative works. Thus, I've wondered whether there is any truth to this statement.

Intuitively, one would think the idea to be correct, but I've seen evidence to the contrary. My confusion is not alleviated by the reality that I can provide evidence to support both points of view.

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On-again, off-again

nospam@example.com (Steve) — Mon, 20 Jun 2005 15:22:00 -0700

Recently, I was alerted to an interesting phenomenon in the world of dating: how interest in the opposite sex seems to wax and wane. No, "on-again, off-again" in this case doesn't refer to certain couples who never seem to be able to separate. Instead, I'm talking about how interest in all people of the opposite sex in general seems to lower at certain times, and how almost everyone seems attractive at other times.

Recently, being away even from swing dancing and spending a lot of time alone working on my thesis, I gradually became disinterested in relations with women, without knowing it. Then, last week, when I worked an orientation day where the ratio of females to males is nearly 5:1, and I came home being attracted to two in particular. However, as prior commitments prevented me from socializing with anyone despite an invitation for everyone to have dinner together, and as three days passed since Friday, I "reverted" back to being disinterested. Some might call the feeling "apathy."

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More on "nice guys"

nospam@example.com (Steve) — Sun, 19 Jun 2005 17:26:52 -0700

I found an interesting article on This is a charge of C4, which features an article written by a girl who dislikes "nice guys." An interesting read.

No means what again?

nospam@example.com (Guest Author) — Wed, 08 Jun 2005 06:31:55 -0700

I have been thinking about this for a long time. Where do you draw the line? And when does it become appropriate for the line to shift? I was trying to think of one issue where this is most appropriate and there isn't one specific one that crystallizes the feel of it all. In the course of dating and courtship there are lines that we all draw. "I won't date someone taller than me." "I won't date someone who's overweight." I won't date someone who smokes." "I won't date someone who doesn't have a great rack." These are all lines that we have drawn in our heads that stop of from finding people. Is that a bad thing?

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