Games are for Children - The Approach

An article about David DeAngelo

nospam@example.com (Steve) — Wed, 08 Mar 2006 19:30:00 -0800

"David's Response: If you don't want women, or you want women that control you and make you do everything that they want, be yourself. And that yourself that you are talking about is probably a wussie that is trying to control a woman in a wrong way. If you approach her being a nice guy you are doing it because you want her to like you. And I don't really car [sic] what you say about me because you are going to keep doing the same things until you open for some other possibilities."

The above paragraph was posted at 7PM Monday evening on Wikipedia, an encyclopedia written by everyone that's now the 18th most popular website in the world. The premise of the site is that anyone can edit any article. One result of this philosophy is that many articles have become extremely well-written and a comprehensive source on their subjects. Other articles, such as George W. Bush, have become the target of so-called "edit wars" where people continually change the article to support their own views or to prevent others' views from being distributed. But thousands of paragraphs like this are posted every day, and most aren't noticed, so why is this one even worth mentioning?

This comment is interesting because it's posted in direct criticism of this site, probably at me in particular. Could it be possible that David DeAngelo himself not only read his own Wikipedia article, but also visited this site in passing?

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What do people think of your expensive car?

nospam@example.com (Steve) — Thu, 02 Feb 2006 18:25:00 -0800

Men talk frequently about how they like fancy, expensive cars. Often, they live under the assumption that the amount of money spent upgrading one's car or buying a new one is directly proportional to how positively women think of them. Most people, however, completely pass over the idea that women would actually want to show off their own expensive toys to the guys as well.

I had an odd experience earlier this week. It was on a Monday night, the time of the week when most people are exhausted after a long day at work and just want to get home. It's hardly a time most people party. On my way to the gym, I stopped at this intersection. If you zoom in, you'll see that the huge conglomeration of highways in this area comes to an end with two left-turn lanes and four through lanes.

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Stop basing your life on what women think of you

nospam@example.com (Steve) — Sat, 28 Jan 2006 11:08:00 -0800

Here's a warning: this is one of those blog-defining posts. 13 months ago, I posted that I had major problems with the state of dating today. I was even able to describe some of them to you: the expectation of society that men do all the work, and women who took advantage of that fact regardless of the cost. I pointed out some likely culprits: the seduction community, David DeAngelo, and the women's rights movement. Until now, however, I wasn't able to make a concrete suggestion as to why things are the way they are. I was not and still am not convinced that vague, uncontrollable forces such as "evolution" and "nature" are entirely at fault for this state of affairs.

That was until yesterday, when I finally pieced together at least some part of why my opinions are received so negatively by many people. I owe the revelation to watching an interview with the author of Self-Made Man: One Woman's Journey into Manhood and Back, which I saw on CNN and later decided to buy the book. The premise of this book is different, to say the least: it details the journey of a woman who decided to pose as a man for 18 months.

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Looking for love at the gym

nospam@example.com (Steve) — Mon, 23 Jan 2006 06:46:20 -0800

Driving to work this morning I listened to an interesting conversation on the radio regarding whether buying a gym membership is a step towards meeting a significant other. One DJ argued that people who go to the gym are, for obvious reasons, more fit and attractive than those who don't go to the gym. Likewise, he said, those who work out are more likely to have the mental attributes that are attractive in partners - namely, a drive to succeed that shows by sticking to a fitness program.

The other DJ's point of view was that if she wanted to go to the gym, she was there to work out, not for any other reason. She wanted to show up, run her two miles, and leave. The gym was for working out, and the club (or elsewhere) was for meeting people. She disagreed that people were most attractive at the gym because they were, frankly, generally dirty and sweaty as would be expected at such a place.

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Boldly or by friend?

nospam@example.com (Karen) — Sun, 03 Jul 2005 07:52:00 -0700

In my mind I was doing a post-mortem about my buddy Dave's approach towards my roommate. (For background story, read here.) The quick and dirty is that Dave wanted to get a date with my roommate, where she was kind of weirded out and scared of him (he's hyper). After he scared her off the first time they met (he put his arm around her to warm her up - it was cold out), he turned to me for advice.
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Rebuttal: the "one chance" theory

nospam@example.com (Karen) — Mon, 27 Jun 2005 13:54:14 -0700

I'm rolling my eyes at the quote in Steve's post about the movie Hitch. The quote is:

"One dance, one look, one kiss, that's all we get, Albert. Just one shot to make the difference between happily ever after and 'Oh? he's just some guy I went to some thing with once.'"

Steve writes that this quote sums up the "one mantra held by Hitch that nobody would debate." I'll debate it because I disagree with it.

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Poaching / "hovering"

nospam@example.com (Karen) — Sun, 26 Jun 2005 10:55:00 -0700

LD describes his new networking strategy here, where he befriends women in the hopes that he will one day date one of these women's friends.

I think it's a good (and honourable) strategy to be used in tandem with others. It also brings to mind some other things people do: poaching and hovering.
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The dating coach

nospam@example.com (Karen) — Tue, 10 May 2005 13:48:00 -0700

Steve brings up the issue of "fairness in dating" in this post. In a society that appears to help everyone get a chance at an education, a job, or a promotion why is there no mechanism to help the less socially-skilled get dates? (Let me make one thing clear: nobody is entitled to another human being's companionship or affection. But you can make yourself more attractive to other people and persuade them to spend time with you.) I propose a new profession: the dating coach.

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Go for it? Asking out celebrities.

nospam@example.com (Karen) — Wed, 04 May 2005 21:14:54 -0700

Being single and inviting a new acquaintance out for a date can be hard on the nerves. If the man or woman you are approaching is gorgeous, the experience can be intimidating. But if your date-prospect is gorgeous AND famous does your approach necessarily need to change?

Jodster of JPTH International recently described an experience a friend had where the friend (who goes by the nickname "Putz") was on a plane. Putz happened to sit beside and converse with a famous actress.

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Pick up lines…

nospam@example.com (Heather) — Wed, 06 Apr 2005 12:57:18 -0700

It’s funny, I have been thinking about writing this entry for a few days now and jotting things down here and there that I wanted to include and now Steve has practically introduced it for me. What better time could there be to bring up (lightheartedly) the subject of pick up lines then right after Steve dares the women of the world to grow a set and ask some guys out??

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Women more likely to make the first move?

nospam@example.com (Steve) — Thu, 31 Mar 2005 05:36:15 -0800

Earlier today, I ran across an article that reviews the results of a poll by an online dating company. Apparently, the survey found that women are actually more willing than men to make the first move in a relationship: 87% to 83%.

At first, I wrote this study off as bad methodology, because I simply have never seen these results to be true. After a while, however, while I still don't think that women lead the pack on this question, I could see why the females' numbers are inflated so highly. The key lies in that there's a difference between making the first move and being willing to make the first move.

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Dress for success?

nospam@example.com (LD) — Tue, 08 Mar 2005 20:48:20 -0800

I have been observing a certain girl from my class and I noticed she behaves very differently from all the others. First of all, the clothing she wears - lets just say it's very revealing. Second, she spends just as much time looking in the mirror and putting on makeup while in class as she does taking notes. Her hair, nails and just about everything else looks perfect.

I didn't think much of it before, until today when it suddenly occured to me that she probably really wants somebody to ask her out. Now I am not really sure what girls usually do to make themselves look more attrative, but I'm pretty sure she does it all.

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A Good Rejection is no Rejection

nospam@example.com (LD) — Mon, 07 Mar 2005 19:08:11 -0800

As some of you already know, I was looking to ask out this certain blonde girl from my class out. Today I made the decision to do it no matter what. Yet, just as I predicted it was advantageous to get to know her better first before taking any such action.

When she came into class she immediately sat next to me. I took that as a good sign. She also smiled and started talking before I had a chance to. Apparently this was going better than I expected. Yet, in the 20 minutes or so of conversation that I would have with her, I was determined to decrease my chances of rejection to nearly zero. My goal was to hear a certain word (namely "boyfriend") that would call the whole thing off.

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Eye Contact

nospam@example.com (Steve) — Sun, 20 Feb 2005 16:44:57 -0800

Eye contact is one aspect of dating that's always puzzled me. A lot of people will say that it's the single most important step one can take to connect with people. I would have to agree - I'm not sure whether it's the most important step, but making eye contact is a necessity when attempting to approach someone.

However, the seduction community (which I have repeatedly criticized) has its own ideas of eye contact. I actually tried this experiment, but was unable to reproduce the results. Some of its findings are true, but not to the level (i.e. almost always) this David Shade claims they are. The most interesting claim, however, is
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Brian: RE: The "right time"

nospam@example.com (Brian) — Fri, 11 Feb 2005 09:26:27 -0800

I have to disagree with Steve on yesterday's post (new readers should read his first) . In most cases, its better to get to know a girl before asking her out. This helps avoid awkward situations, such as if she already has a boyfriend (as in your example), or just isn’t interested. It also allows you to differentiate between physical infatuation and real attraction. I’m not saying you need to become best buddies with the girl, but establishing some rapport is necessary.

Asking someone out immediately is only good in isolated cases such as at a bar or a party, in which you'll never see that person again. In this case, there's no other option, and fortunately, no significant social cost to being direct.

If this is someone you see regularly, as it seems to be in this case, it complicates the issue. Such situations require some measure of tact, as any dating-related awkwardness can potentially strain a platonic relationship. This platonic relationship is especially important if you'll be seeing her in a structured way (at work, in class, as part of an organization, etc...). In these cases, it is compulsory to act with discretion.

Steve, you of all people should realize this, especially after the letter incident.