Games are for Children - Friendship

What's acceptable behaviour?

nospam@example.com (eek) — Tue, 09 May 2006 03:56:00 -0700

What's acceptable behaviour in a dating or friends situation? Just this morning I ditched a girl over her behaviour, and was classified as "weird" and "glad to find out already" for reacting the way I did.
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The Peccadilloes of Friends

nospam@example.com (Karen) — Mon, 08 May 2006 00:17:12 -0700

I read an interesting saying in a book, once: to make a friend, close one eye. To keep a friend, close both. I thought it was amusing, but on a deeper level I’m not sure it jives with what I perceive as what a good friend should be: someone you like AND respect.
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The same things

nospam@example.com (Steve) — Sat, 04 Mar 2006 15:38:34 -0800

Since I moved three months ago, I've spent some of my time attempting to meet new people while reconnecting with old friends at the same time. One night, I was thinking about who would be a good choice to contact after not having met for several years. I finally narrowed that list down, but then was stopped by what might seem like a simple question to many: what should we do to get reacquianted?

Indeed, I've encountered this problem not just with people I haven't seen in ages but also with people who I do things with regularly. Usually, the first suggestion comes up is to go to the movies. I don't have any problem with going to the movies - in fact, that's EXACTLY the problem. I've probably been to fifty different movies at a theatre in my lifetime. The experience remains largely the same over the years: you get in the car(s), drive to the theatre, stand in line for tickets, buy popcorn, soda, or nothing, chat a little while you watch the commercials, watch the previews, watch the movie, walk back to the car(s), and go somewhere else or go home.

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The public nature of the Internet

nospam@example.com (Steve) — Wed, 21 Dec 2005 08:44:00 -0800

It amazes me how often I hear about bloggers who post things online as a "private journal." Many people have an expectation that if you post a story online, it is only to be read by your closest friends or your target audience and nobody else. Certainly, your parents, bosses, professors, significant others, and other important people won't have a clue as to what you're saying about them.

Such is the case in Teens wear their hearts online. The article describes the growing phenomenon of teenage blogging - about how many teenagers have started blogs as a way to communicate with their friends and talk about their personal lives. The article talks a lot about the safety of posting personal information online, but that's not what interests me most.

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Why making decisions based on friends is dangerous

nospam@example.com (Steve) — Mon, 12 Dec 2005 08:13:53 -0800

In "Making Life Decisions Based on Friends," Karen disagreed with my assessment that one should not consider friends when making life choices, such as which job to accept or which college to attend. She makes some good points, but after considering what she has to say, I still believe that her way of thinking is dangerous. Not only is it dangerous when deciding what to do based on friendships, but it is perhaps more dangerous when deciding what to do based on romance.

I agree that it's great to make friends, and that it's great (or not so great) to be near family. The difference between friends and family, however, is that it's exceedingly difficult to leave a family, while it's exceedingly easy to blow up a friendship and easier still to destroy a relationship.

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Making life decisions based on friends

nospam@example.com (Karen) — Mon, 14 Nov 2005 18:00:00 -0800

With the job decision deadline approaching on November 21, I've started evaluating the possibilities. As many readers are aware, on September 12 I went to Orlando for an interview with Lockheed Martin, and since received a competing offer locally. At the time, many people with whom I had casual or more involved acquaintences entered into conversations with me about jobs, as they were either looking for a new job or graduating and taking a first job as well. Most of these people were concentrating their searches within central Pennsylvania.

The reason they were concentrating their searches here wasn't because they had families with kids, had financial difficulties, or couldn't get a job anywhere else. Likewise, many of the people with whom I spoke weren't gushing about the location. Instead of what I thought I would hear ("Wow, you could get season tickets to Disneyworld and go to the beach only 20 miles away on the weekends!"), I was constantly asked "you'd seriously consider moving to Florida?" One guy asked where the jobs were and before I even said anything else about what I would be doing, he told me plainly "take the one down the street."

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Social networking sites

nospam@example.com (Steve) — Wed, 09 Nov 2005 12:49:53 -0800

I was reading The New York Times to kill time during a short flight recently when I came across an article about online communities such as myspace. Unlike the virtual reality environment I discussed earlier, these communities are centered around one goal only: building social networks. The article described how an upcoming trend was occurring as more and more young teenagers create profiles on these sites and post personal information on them. The information allows 40-year-old child predators to track people down and assault them, the article claims.

I myself have been encouraged to sign up for these sites many times, but I'm not entirely impressed by the concept. To me, the communities seem to have two main draws:

They require no technical knowledge to set up
They're a great way to prove to everyone else how "popular" you are

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Virtual environments

nospam@example.com (Steve) — Wed, 26 Oct 2005 10:24:00 -0700

On July 26, 1998, during the days when dialup connections reigned supreme and 3D graphics had just caught on to the mainstream, I came across Activeworlds. The company programs software that creates a 3D virtual world across the Internet. The system differs from games like "Halo" in that there are no formal objectives, like trying to kill as many people as possible or trying to increase the population of your city.

You can do as much or as little as you want, in environments that simulate real life. For example, some people spend much of their time designing new architecture for better and better buildings. Others were socialites, chatting it up at all hours of the night. Some preferred programming software to interact with the worlds and perform functions like greeting new visitors, creating terrain, and even facilitating huge events. Perhaps the most involved participated in or took the initative in organizing large-scale events such as capture-the-flag matches or Christmas present hunt contests.

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If you want it done, do it yourself

nospam@example.com (Steve) — Tue, 20 Sep 2005 07:36:24 -0700

Anyone would tell you that there are a lot of lazy people who inhabit the planet. What I didn't realize until recently is just how high a percentage of the population is so lazy. It's not just recently that I've been dealing with laziness in other people, but it is recently that I finally realized it for what it was. Whether it's in business, friendships, or volunteer activities, it's exceedingly difficult to find people who reciprocate when the other takes the initiative.

There's a stereotype out there that might lead you to believe that most would rather spend their free time out and about with friends. I used to look at the studies that find people watch TV four hours a day with skepticism. After all, if the average person watches TV four hours a day, and I watch TV for one hour a day, there has be someone (and most likely many people) watching the tube for seven hours to offset me.

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Friends before lovers?

nospam@example.com (Karen) — Thu, 04 Aug 2005 03:33:08 -0700

Ever since I was a young adolescent, I've held the belief that your friends should come before your boyfriend/girlfriend/romantic prospect. As high school girls my friends and I used to turn up our noses at other girls who abandoned all her friends just to be with a guy. "Friends before lovers," we'd say. Our reasoning was that friends stick by you through thick and thin; romantic relationships (especially at that age) tend to be transitory and, in the end, not as worthwhile an investment as the friendships one currently has (and is likely to keep). I've continued to hold this belief, but a few friends of mine have made me question whether this viewpoint is something I still believe in.
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Opinions set after three minutes

nospam@example.com (Steve) — Fri, 29 Jul 2005 10:29:00 -0700

As you may or may not know, there's been talk of relaunching this site with a broader focus on relationships of all types - friendly, family, and romantic. The reasons behind the shift are simple: not only do these topics overlap somewhat, but people like Heather and I who aren't interested in dating at the moment have difficulty caring enough about the subject right now. As a result, it's difficult to continually write articles on that one topic.

So while I was looking for the sort of articles that could be written if we relaunched, I found something that applies to both friendships AND relationships. A recent Ohio State study shows that people are almost completely decided how a relationship will turn out within three minutes of meeting.

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Is love (or sex) the ultimate cure-all?

nospam@example.com (Steve) — Tue, 26 Jul 2005 07:54:40 -0700

One of the more common search terms to come up in the site report is the "girlfriend experience," about which Issac wrote a few months back. Wondering why so many people were being directed to this site through searches for this topic, I went to Google myself, and ended up at this site.

The page contains a lot of information about why people (mostly men) seek out this form of encounter, but what interested me most was a letter from a reader of the site. The letter originated from someone who had sought such an "experience" for the obvious reason: to have sex and to replace what wasn't in his life at the moment.

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Friends with Benefits

nospam@example.com (Heather) — Wed, 13 Jul 2005 07:56:26 -0700

I think that in everyone’s dating life they will at some point in time have a friends with benefits (FWB) situation. Otherwise known as having sex with someone you are friends with but have no interest in dating or being in a relationship with. I have had them and I know many people who have had them. Recently, while perusing some comments posted on a single parents dating board, I ran across a woman asking whether or not she should enter into a FWB relationship with her male friend.

“Anyone have any suggestion for how to start a FWB relationship? Experiences, tips etc? I have a friend I’ve known for almost 10 years and recently we both found ourselves single and looking to each other. I’ve never had a FWB relationship but would like to try it.”
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An incredible success story (2 of 2)

nospam@example.com (Steve) — Fri, 27 May 2005 04:00:00 -0700

This entry is the second in a two part series. Read the first part here.

Her boyfriend realizes that, even though he graduated with a Master's in Elementary Education, teachers' salaries are so low that he'll have trouble making ends meet for a long time. But he doesn't care - he decided to pursue what he loves to do anyway. They even act like the typical married couple, showing affection when they're together, but complaining repeatedly about minor things about each other when they're apart.

While I could have just gone home on Sunday, she invited me to stay for an extra day, and her parents basically rendered their computer unusable for most of the weekend by setting aside the room containing it for me to sleep. They served breakfast and we even went on a tour of the area, despite the had huge mounds of laundry piling up and that it was only 40 degrees with heavy rain. Her parents were probably the second nicest I've ever met (I'm somewhat partial here, you understand). And when I gave her a graduation gift, she tried to give it back to me as if I were just going to come all that way, leech off her hospitality, and not offer her anything in return.
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An incredible success story (1 of 2)

nospam@example.com (Steve) — Thu, 26 May 2005 07:30:00 -0700

This weekend, I went on a trip to eastern New England to visit a friend from high school, which is why I haven't been making any posts recently. I hadn't seen her since June 1, 2001, when I invited her to the senior prom, and she graduated from college on Saturday. The distance between central Pennsylvania and the coast north of Boston is immense: so great that I had to travel east along eight different interstates just to get there (99 to 80 to 81 to 84 to 87 to 90 to 495 to 95).

I thought this trip was just going to be a weekend jaunt to see an old friend and that I would return the next day. Instead, I was there for three days, and the trip ranked behind only Yellowstone and Las Vegas as the most interesting I've been on. It wasn't the sights that impressed me, though - it was the people I met and the things that we did that may have irrevocably changed my outlook on life.

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