Games are for Children - Human Relations

You CAN teach an old dog new tricks

nospam@example.com (Karen) — Sun, 16 Apr 2006 21:06:00 -0700

For quite a few years now I've had a difficult relationship with my parents. It's not for lack of familial love, but we have a lot of issues between us and we do not get along very well. Things have eased up a bit in the past year or two and I have starting seeing them a bit more often. Usually it's just for a quick lunch, but this past Easter weekend I spent 10 hours with them, some of that time without a "buffer" - a friend I bring along so we all stay on our polite "company manners".
Continue reading "You CAN teach an old dog new tricks"

Stop basing your life on what women think of you

nospam@example.com (Steve) — Sat, 28 Jan 2006 11:08:00 -0800

Here's a warning: this is one of those blog-defining posts. 13 months ago, I posted that I had major problems with the state of dating today. I was even able to describe some of them to you: the expectation of society that men do all the work, and women who took advantage of that fact regardless of the cost. I pointed out some likely culprits: the seduction community, David DeAngelo, and the women's rights movement. Until now, however, I wasn't able to make a concrete suggestion as to why things are the way they are. I was not and still am not convinced that vague, uncontrollable forces such as "evolution" and "nature" are entirely at fault for this state of affairs.

That was until yesterday, when I finally pieced together at least some part of why my opinions are received so negatively by many people. I owe the revelation to watching an interview with the author of Self-Made Man: One Woman's Journey into Manhood and Back, which I saw on CNN and later decided to buy the book. The premise of this book is different, to say the least: it details the journey of a woman who decided to pose as a man for 18 months.

Continue reading "Stop basing your life on what women think of you"

"Likability Quotient"

nospam@example.com (Steve) — Sat, 21 Jan 2006 09:53:00 -0800

I regularly visit a number of sites with the purpose of drawing more visitors to this blog. Besides reading and leaving comments on other blogs, one the best ways I've found to increase traffic is by submitting articles to "article emporiums." These sites link to your site in exchange for content on your topic of expertise. An example of such an article is the "Likability Quotient". While anyone can contributes articles to these sites without justifying whether they are actually knowledable in the subject area, this one in particular seemed like it had some merit.

The article describes a concept the author calls the "likability quotient," which is a measure of how much someone is liked or disliked in general by the people he or she meets. The quotient is based upon attributes such as how often a person complains, for example.

Continue reading ""Likability Quotient""

Experience-oriented versus people-oriented

nospam@example.com (Steve) — Tue, 10 Jan 2006 09:52:00 -0800

I spent most of last week working long days (and nights) in a necessary attempt to finish the work required for the job I was leaving. Fortunately, I got done what I needed to, but in order to do so I needed to sacrifice writing for this blog for a while.

Because I didn't have a television or a computer at my apartment for the week, I spent two days I couldn't work (because of a network problem) in a large "Cybertorium," which is an auditorium that seats about 150 filled with computers. Shortly before I used the equipment there to project the Orange Bowl onto the big screen, a co-worker happened to stop by the empty lab to print something and started a conversation with me.

The conversation centered around the job market and how employers largely no longer viewed jumping around to many positions in a short time to improve one's pay or situation damaging. When I asked him how long he planned to stay with the company he was working for, he said that he would "probably get tired of State College" (the city where he worked) in two or three years. He talked about how he would like to move on and live in a different place or even in many different places at some point in the future.

Continue reading "Experience-oriented versus people-oriented"

Marriage versus "co-habitation:" the only difference is paperwork

nospam@example.com (Steve) — Fri, 30 Dec 2005 10:49:00 -0800

During the past four days, I attended three separate gatherings, each with different members of family. The gatherings featured activities that usually occur around the holidays - gift-giving, watching football, and drinking and chatting. Having recently "graduated" (in quotes because there's still a lot of work to do next week), the conversations inevitably turned to future plans.

My family has a number of relatives who enjoy prying into others' lives to find out the latest gossip. I realized this weekend that this tendency to pry originates from their living vicariously - that is, they have little to do, so they experience life through other people's lives. The most annoying aspect of this vicarious lifestyle is that they prepare for and talk about events that are inordinately far in the future - for example, they wouldn't stop talking about the graduation as early as August, talking about it as if it were tomorrow, since they didn't have anything else to do between August and the graduation. Myself, I didn't start planning for it until a few days before, after a lot of the work had settled off.

Another favorite topic of these family members is love and marriage.

Continue reading "Marriage versus "co-habitation:" the only difference is paperwork"

The exceedingly rare "No Strings Attached"

nospam@example.com (Karen) — Fri, 09 Dec 2005 20:27:07 -0800

In his post "Sex: A shift in paradigm?" Adam opines that there is no such thing as "no strings attached" sex. I want to take that thought further, to say that I believe NSA (no-strings attached) ANYTHING is exceedingly rare. Living in a society involves rules of reciprocity and relationship expectations... In other words, there is no free lunch.

Before I started reading Pru's blog, Diary of a London Ebony Escort, I used to think men who purchased sex from prostitutes did so because they couldn't get it for "free". Pru isn't anything like what I pictured the typical sex worker to be, and reading her blog/discussing ideas with her soon changed my idea of what "free" meant, as well.

Continue reading "The exceedingly rare "No Strings Attached""

Respect for your elders?

nospam@example.com (eek) — Fri, 21 Oct 2005 09:02:00 -0700

Steve asks the question "Should we always respect our elders?" Of
course, with my habit of disagreeing with Steve, I just had to
deconstruct that. There's really two questions wrapped in this one: What's
"respect", and what are there to respect (or not respect) with our elders?

Respect, to me, is twofold: It's about polite behaviour and it's about
authority. Should I be polite to my elders? Sure, unless there's an
overriding reason not to be. And vice versa, of course. In my politeness
towards my elders, there's a few components that's not symmetrical, though.
For instance, if I see an old woman standing at the underground, I'll raise
and offer my seat. She's likely to be more frail than me, and appreciate the
seat more. That's a way of making the world richer.

Continue reading "Respect for your elders?"

Respecting your elders…

nospam@example.com (Heather) — Fri, 21 Oct 2005 09:01:00 -0700

Being in Texas, the king of Southern states, I was brought up with respecting my elders ingrained into my very being. You always treat your elders with the highest level of manners that you possess.

“Yes Ma’am”

“No Sir”

“Please”

“Thank you”

“May I”

If I see an older person on the side of the road, I pull over. If I see them needing help with their groceries, I help them. If they make conversation with me in line at the pharmacy, I treat them as though they were my oldest friend. It has always been this way for the entirety of my life and so I really know no other way.
Continue reading "Respecting your elders…"

Respect for the young

nospam@example.com (Steve) — Thu, 20 Oct 2005 13:35:00 -0700

I won't be participating in tomorrow's contest; it wouldn't be fair if the person awarding the prizes also wrote an article. That's why I'll post a day early to whet everyone's appetites. Yet, you might read my entry and wonder if it would even qualify for the contest at all. That's because I don't believe the core issue here is whether we should respect our elders - I think everyone deserves respect. The bigger issue is whether we should respect the young.

I raise the question because there are prevailing stereotypes that young people don't deserve respect. Of course, not all of these stereotypes are unfounded. When people get so drunk that they can barely walk home and leer at more seasoned individuals, they certainly don't deserve respect. And those who, as I mentioned in a previous article, waste their parents' money flunking out of college and who don't try their bests, also don't deserve respect. Similarly, rebellious teenagers or highschool drug users should also be remain unrewarded.

Continue reading "Respect for the young"

What do you owe your parents?

nospam@example.com (Karen) — Sat, 08 Oct 2005 09:54:02 -0700

After more than two years of dating I have finally told my boyfriend that it's really, REALLY important to me that we spend the holidays together this year. Christmas is a big deal to me, and I want to be with him for that special occasion. Every year he goes back to his parents' home (a 17-hour drive away), so this year I'm going with him.

(Note: were I not to go to his parents home with him I'd be spending Christmas home alone.)

Why haven't my boyfriend and I spent Christmas together yet? Because he HATES special occasions. He doesn't want to have to buy or receive gifts. He hates travelling. He hates having to be at his parents' home and not living by himself during those days. His parents have basically invited me to come along every year, but he dislikes the experience so much he says it'll just stress him to have me along. (But I can come if I really want to.)

"Why," I asked him, "do you go back to your parents' place for Christmas if you hate it so much?"

His answer? "Because I feel it's my duty to my parents to go back that one time a year, since it's important to them to have the whole family together for Christmas."

Travelling back to his parents' home for Christmas is clearly something he detests, yet he does it out of duty, every year. It made me wonder, what do you owe your parents?

Continue reading "What do you owe your parents?"

"Respect:" the difference between college and the real world

nospam@example.com (Steve) — Fri, 30 Sep 2005 15:58:00 -0700

Understandably, there are many people who disagree with my opinions, especially in the field of dating. The resiliency with which those on the other side of the fence stand their ground deserves some applause, to say the least.

Here's my opinion on the heated debates that sometimes seem to break out here: Eek, you're right. It's all about a difference in life circumstances. Contrary to what some of the "gurus" will tell you, things are very different in the real world from what they are in college or even high school. There is no "one size fits all" when it comes to what people are looking for in friends or romantic partners - at least not when comparing across life stages. I'm convinced now more than ever attempting to generalize what one experiences in an educational institution outside of that world is folly.

Continue reading ""Respect:" the difference between college and the real world"

The research culture

nospam@example.com (Steve) — Thu, 29 Sep 2005 07:59:00 -0700

In February, a professor approached me and asked me to consider continuing my education to earn a doctorate degree. Judging by the number of people here pursuing doctorates and how many dissertations I witness being written, there are probably more people pursuing doctorates than master's degrees. In the academic world, if you don't have a Ph. D, you're a lesser person, and one might be led to believe that's the case in the business world as well.

After considering the option for a month and looking into the usefulness of such an advanced degree, I concluded that there are two main reasons why one would want to achieve a doctorate: if the person wants to be called by the title of doctor, or if the person wants to do hard-core research. While it may seem abhorrent, I do know some people who have continued their education for the first reason alone. In my experience, however, both reasons, for many people, reek equally of arrogance because of the "research culture."

Continue reading "The research culture"

The power of T-shirts

nospam@example.com (Steve) — Thu, 15 Sep 2005 14:15:00 -0700

MCO at 7:20am, click for full-size image

This Tuesday, I went to Orlando overnight for a job interview with Lockheed Martin. While I hadn't planned on going initially, I decided that it might be a good idea to take the opportunity, even though at the time I wasn’t that enthused about the position, solely for the experience.

Continue reading "The power of T-shirts"

Men more intelligent than women?

nospam@example.com (Steve) — Fri, 26 Aug 2005 06:45:00 -0700

This article has generated a great deal of controversy all over the Internet, by reporting on a study the researchers claim shows that men are more intelligent than women. According to the findings, the gap between the sexes grows to enormous proportions as people who are even smarter are compared. At an IQ level of 125, for example, there are twice as many men as women, whereas at a level of 155, there are almost six times as many men as women.

While such a statement may be offensive to some, I frankly don't see how this study is so groundbreaking. IQ tests measure spatial ability, among other things, and it's been proven that men have superior abilities in that area than women do. Women, on the other hand, make up for that deficiency with an innate ability to perceive emotions and socialize more effectively.

Continue reading "Men more intelligent than women?"

Cut your losses and move on?

nospam@example.com (Steve) — Tue, 23 Aug 2005 08:11:00 -0700

There's been a great deal of talk lately on this site about whether it's possible for someone to change dramatically over a short period of time. I've been arguing, and will continue to argue, that not only is such change possible, but that it happens all the time. The problem is that most people are ignorant of changes that occur in others.

A great deal of evidence exists suggesting that first impressions make a lasting impact, no matter the area of life. With the high standards many people have in the area of dating and relationships, someone who doesn't measure up in even some small area risks being marginalized within two minutes of the first encounter. It's no wonder that, even if that person became completely different a year later, in 999 out of 1000 cases, the other's opinion would not change. Perhaps people will disagree with me, but I don't believe I'm exaggering these statistics - people are that set in their ways.

Continue reading "Cut your losses and move on?"