It is better to dump than be dumped

I feel that I'm on both sides of the fence for this one. Perhaps I should try to bridge... Nah, I'll insult both sides instead. Much more fun that way

Karen, as a young, healthy woman, you may find it hard to understand this perspective. From the viewpoint of an average (beta) male, female companionship is very scarce, and being able to find female companionship - or not - is extremely influential towards self esteem. Enough that NOT finding it over time will often (usually?) result in depression, anxiety, and becoming suicidal. And most guys go through a period in their teens to early twenties where this is approaching despair - I'll never find anybody/I'm not good enough/I'll always be lonely/There will always be this hole in my heart/No girl ever likes me/...

This is a large lump in a male's heart. Until you get to the point where you KNOW there's going to be a next one - not just in your head but in your heart - being dumped will pull that lump forth again, the feeling of inadequacy, of being worthless, of being the one judged and found worthless as a man, of the feeling "There's nobody out there and nobody understands this".

Then you turn this on its head - GETTING that control, the ability to do the choice, the fact that now YOU are the one choosing, that now you can choose not to get hurt (much). It's definately a kick the first few times.


Adam, but then it fades. You get to the point where you've done a few breakups, you have the knowledge that this is OK, you have the knowledge that you can go and get a new girl, and the glimmer fades. It no longer hurt much to be broken up with, and your sympathy for the person you break up with grow. It's still a little better to have the choice of breakign up than to be broken up with, yet it turns into a small thing. Overall, what becomes important is avoiding that anybody gets hurt - and sometimes the easiest way to do that is to move the breakup to her, carefully guide her so that she feels it's her choice while you just set things up so that would happen. At other times, it's easier if you take the reigns - and it'll all be guided by what's best, because you'll have the control and ballast inside you, keeping steady through any storm.

-Eek

Some success isn't usually enough to feel it isn't scarce. It takes major success or not trying and believing the success will be there for this to go away - I've know guys that have fucked 20-30 girls by age 20, and STILL feel it scarce. I would guess that less than 10% of guys has a level of success that lead to it feeling non-scarce that early.


Anyway, I don't think I communicated clearly enough: What I tried to communicate was that I believe for most there was *a* period of depression inside the timeframe I described, not that the entire timeframe was a period of depression. I was thinking of short periods of minor depression - enough to leave an imprint, not enough to come out as full major depression. The prevalence of major depression is about 5% from age 9 through always.

As for the seduction community contribution: For me, the greatest contribution has been to let me know for sure that these things can be learned, and giving me enough theory that I can feel I understand what happens. Instead of fumbling around in the dark and having no clue what's going on, I feel that I can make choices.

-Eek